May 21, 2017

Dear Mr. Disney, I Thought You'd Like To Know

Dear Mr. Disney,

I thought I'd write you a letter on the off chance you did not die in 1966, but really were cryogenically frozen as the rumors said.  It might be nice for you to wake up to a little fan mail to offset the shock of the bill for the freezing.

I hope you are not disturbed by all the changes in the world.  Some things did not turn out quite as you had anticipated in your big, bright, beautiful tomorrow exhibit.  Probably, you'll be delighted by today's telephones.  Not only can you make and receive phone calls, you can take pictures, tell the time, send electronic letters, listen to music, look up any information (like having a set of encyclopedias in your pocket - but not as heavy), and watch many of your own movies - anywhere!!!  They have also become useful in streamlining a trip to the happiest place on earth, your beloved Disneyland!
We owe this all to you, Mr. Disney!  

And that's what I wanted to write to you about.  Things have changed there.  It's still marvelous, of course.  But there are some changes I think you should know about.

It's not just Mickey and the gang any more.  I'm not sure who's behind the changes, but they keep buying into other genres and characters that are not what you typically think of under the Disney banner.  Star Wars and Indiana Jones, for instance.  Good in and of themselves (you should watch those as soon as you get your phone), but it is rather jarring on me to reconcile these vastly different worlds as I navigate my way through your Southern California theme park.

And, for the record, the Indiana Jones ride leaves a lot to be desired.  I loved the original movie, but the second - universally proclaimed to be the lamest of them - features largely in the even-jerkier-than-Mr.-Toad's-Wild-Ride ride.  In our recent visit, my 9-year-old was traumatized by it, leaving me questioning who amongst Disneyland's decision-makers is suffering from an inability to distinguish  "Happiest place on earth" from "Scariest place on earth."  Even I found it to be over the top in grossness for Disneyland (rats, snakes, spiders).  The best moment of the ride was hoping the rope might break as the car passed under a figure of Indiana Jones, suspended above.  That pleasure is probably limited to the adult female guest population, however.

I'd like to also draw your attention to Toon Town.  They shoved that in at the top of the map, and it is a handy place to find Mickey and Minnie to get pictures taken with them.  It's kind of cute, kind of weird - as cartoons can be.  But, most of us are not going to give a full explanation of how it came to be a feature of Disneyland to our young'ns.  I'll just direct you to the film, Roger Rabbit.  Maybe it would be best if you just watch it yourself and see if your own eyes don't spring out of your head, while you shout "Va Va Va VOOOM!!" at the appearance of Jessica Rabbit.  I am not at all surprised they chose not to let her character walk around the park signing autographs.  You'd have to have a special license for that, probably.

Mickey hugging my tiny friend.  He hasn't aged a bit, has he?

Most of the good old attractions are still there, though they are removing Bear Country and replacing it with, I forget what.  That can't be helped, I suppose.  People these days don't know who the bears are any more.  And, animated figures have come so far these days.  You're going to love what they can do!

A day in your amusement park is still a load of fun.  And I love that at Disneyland, in California, one can enjoy it in a day.  Many people go for several days in a row - or even buy an annual pass!  That is surely a good deal for those who are close enough to go often, because you will not believe what they charge to get in now!  When I was a kid, you still had the ticket books.  You'll be tickled to know that people often use the phrase, "E ticket attraction" to refer to something highly desirable!  It was sometime in the '80s that they moved to a single ticket that gets you into all the rides.  You're probably smacking your forehead now, saying, "Why didn't I think of that?"

My daughter and I are smiling upon admission to Disneyland despite no longer having any  money.

While I was there, I thought of a great new attraction you might wish to add.  Considering your advanced age of 115, you might feel the fatigue some of us do halfway through a day at the park.  Sure, you've had a half century to rest, but still, you might get tired there; it's a big place, as you know.  Especially if you're in the company of children you are responsible for.  It would work well in Frontier Land.  I call it "Siesta Village."  Picture a Mission style courtyard, surrounded by arched, cloistered porches on all sides - deeply shaded, vibrant with hanging, flowering plants.  It is furnished with rocking chairs, hammocks, bench swings and chaise lounges.  Envision a fountain bubbling in the center of the peaceful courtyard.  There should be restrooms, cold drink service - even, perhaps, masseurs on hand.  Of course, these will be called Mouseseurs and wear big, white gloves.  What do you think?  Isn't it brilliant???  Parents will flock there after lunch!

Overall, Disneyland has still got it.  It is amazing how clean it stays and how good the service is.  And the technology they have developed!  This is no  Mickey Mouse operation!  Oh, wait.  Nevermind.  Scratch that.  Mickey and the gang are still going strong and they'll be delighted to see you!  I'm sure they've wished upon a star more than once and your return will be a dream come true.

It still delights!

Thank you for so many great memories, Mr. Disney.  Now, go enjoy that happy small world you created!

Warmest regards,

1 comment:

  1. This makes we want to go. And I haven't wanted to go to Disneyland in at least a decade, possible two.


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